I’m going through a strange phase of my life towards the great Unknown. So strange that I can’t even tell whether I’m suffering of depression or not. I have days and days. Some days I’m up in seventh heaven, full of dreams and hopes some days I’m deep down in my darkest nightmare. All my “imagined futures” are memories now. I’m still coping to build my present and future from zero. Things, places and people in my life changed in the last two years more than in my whole life.
I’ve lost a considerable amount of tears. There was a time when I couldn’t listen to music at all, nothing except “I will survive” of Gloria Gaynor. Times when I hated the night because I couldn’t sleep or have nightmares and the morning because I was terrified to waking up to the same ugly reality, while wishing that everything I lived was only a bad dream… Besides all my unfortunate fortune, heartbreak and loses, I had to finish my postgraduate school too. So, working became my refuge. I worked to forget and to occupy my mind. And I succeeded to finish on time with great results. I started to read psychology, self help books and articles. I mastered all the theory. It helped and not… And then started jogging and it helped a lot. Sweating the stress and pain away. Tried meditation and yoga. Silent my mind and expand my physical and psychical limits. Fell in love with yoga. And now I feel helpless as some health issues have taken even yoga away from me for a few weeks.
Now it’s just me and chocolate and this blog. This is my latest self help medicine. If I can’t sweat anymore I’ll write. I might write even after beginning to sweat again, as I begun to enjoy it. It clears my mind and thought. Yoga, jogging, meditation and writing, all have the same effect on me, they unplug me from stress and allow me to “function” normally again despite all this unfortunate fortune I’m determined to change. They bring me peace and make negative thoughts disappear. I love them as much as they love me.